Preseason football sucks, regardless of what week it is. The only thing separating it from watching the kids on your block play with a Nerf ball is that you deal with less judgmental glares from those around you as you watch it. Note that I said less, not none. You should be judged if you are excited to watch these games.
That bit of business out of the way, let's get PUMPED for the first annual JT O Sullivan Lives Preseason Week Three Preview Spectacular! Let the "games" begin!
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| Kirby Lee-USA TODAY Sports |
I'm surprised that the NFL makes the Packers play these games after last year's Jordy Nelson ACL tear fiasco. I bet if there was a player audit on the field during the second quarter of this game on Friday you will find that underneath every yellow helmet you'll find guys from the local high school and scratch-off ticket "Play for the Pack!" contest winners. Green Bay obviously has nothing to prove in the preseason and while Rodgers is expected to make his preseason debut, he will probably get to do so from the stands with Olivia Munn if he so chooses. Packers undoubtably would still win in that scenario.
The Packers secondary this year is sneaky good, with HaHa Clinton-Dix impressing last year in his rookie campaign. Rookies Kentrell Brice and Josh Hawkings have also shown flashes of brilliance. With the 49ers likely starting accidental equipment manager Blaine Gabbert and giving way to the shadow of Colin Kaepernick, look for this unit to continue to make noise and generate Green Bay Milk Gazette headlines this weekend.
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| Leon Halip/Getty Images |
The Bears christened their meaningless 2016 preseason campaign by slamming an old half-filled gin bottle labeled Mark Sanchez against the side of Soldier Field, losing 22-0 at home and showing no signs of life on either side of the ball. While there were signs of improvement last week at New England, their week 3 matchup spells doom—for us, the viewers. Not only is it a preseason game, but it involves a Chiefs offense that will be lead by Alex Smith and most likely will not feature any Jamaal Charles, who I assume is currently sealed in carbonite at request from Jabba the Hu--Andy Reid for the duration of training camp and preseason in an effort to avoid chance of injury.
As for the Bears, they are going to look to continue to progress on offense and hope that second-year rookie Kevin White can develop some chemistry with Jay Cutler. While throwing it deep to Alshon Jeffrey time and time again has provided dividends both this preseason and last year's regular season, former Bears NFL quarterback and current cautionary tale Rex Grossman will be able to remind you how much consistent success the strategy of repeatedly calling "jackpot" down the field will get you.
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| Mike Carter-USA TODAY Sports |
Matt Stafford has looked extremely good so far this preseason, which Lions fans understand means he will have five baffling interceptions by week six. Watching Matt Stafford play quarterback is like watching a random number generator lose football games. The Lions are an interesting team this year with a lot of young players with a lot of upside, which is good because Lions fans will have a couple of seasons before the Lions' oppressive nature of losing forces them into early retirement.
The guy to watch this week is wide-receiver Marvin Jones. He's been exciting the past two weeks and has started to surprise most of those who felt that he would not be able to fill the shoes of the newly retired Calvin Johnson. With Amir Abdullah not yet cleared to play, expect to see more of the Lions passing game. On defense, Darius Slay has been extended and will hopefully continue to be as awesome as his name suggests.
By the way, has there ever been a more milquetoast take than Marvin Jones might not prove to be an adequate substitution for Calvin Johnson? That's like saying that you're not really family when you're at the Olive Garden.
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| Aaron Doster-USA TODAY Sports |
The guy who is always drunk behind the BP in my neighborhood has this matchup as his Super Bowl pick this year, so this could be an exciting preview of February football to come. I will say that one cool thing about the preseason is sometimes they matchup teams that so don't give a shit about each other—I wouldn't be shocked if some of the players on the Chargers were only distantly familiar of the Vikings existence.
Meanwhile, the Vikings faithful have been nervous lately about the status of the quarterback position. Teddy Bridgewater was a late-minute scratch before last week's preseason week two contest with the Seattle Seahawks, as was backup Shawn Hill. One surmises all you need to know about the Minnesota Vikings franchise as a whole when the entire fanbase devolves into panic when Teddy Bridgewater and Shawn Hill miss a preseason start.
That being said, the defending NFC North champions are healthy again and are looking to build upon the success they enjoyed last year. Watching them test Bridgewater against a young and sneaky exciting San Diego defense might actually be the only interesting bit of action we see this weekend. Coach Mike Zimmer is known for his preseason dominance (10-1!), so for those NFC North fans who have deluded themselves into thinking that tuning into a preseason game is a productive use of their time, this might be the game to watch!
Or you know, you could go outside.
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