No Soup For You, Minnesota: Donovan McNabb to be Released by Vikings

ESPN's Adam Scheftler is reporting that Donovan McNabb's reign in Minnesota is soon to be over, with the Vikings planning to release the veteran quarterback by the end of the day.

McNabb started in five games for the Vikings this year where his biggest impact to the team was promoting Vikings punter Chris Kluwe's band "Tripping Icarus" during a post-game press conference.

Happy Trails McNabb. May many songs of glory be sung about your Vikings tenure. And may they all be sung by the band "Tripping Icarus."

Believing Himself to be the Protagonist of Top Gun, Jim Schwartz Reports to the USS Carl Vinson

In San Diego today, both media and spectator alike were shocked by the arrival of Jim Schwartz and his Detroit Lions. Schwartz, having just made a disastrous crash landing on the deck of the regaled vessel in what appeared to be a crudely self-constructed F-14 made from items presumably gathered from behind Ford Field, emerged from the flames to say 'I heard a Michigan team is supposed to play some ball here tonight. Well, are you ready to play the most dangerous team in the sky?"

Nate Burleson, who like the rest of his teammates, arrived by charter plane was reached for comment. "I don't know man. We had Sportscenter on in the weight room and he caught the tail end of the pregame coverage and just went apeshit. He started shouting things like 'that's my sortie' and 'get me in the air'. What the hell is a sortie?" He later added, "You see that plane he flew in? He has like, two dozen of them. Made them all himself out of old lawnmower parts. He wanted us to be his wingmen. We were all like, hell no." 

Asked for Schwartz' response, Burleson shrugged. "He just looked me in the face, spat on the ground and said I was no Goose. I can't tell if that is an insult or a compliment."

Jim Schwartz tried to comfort the many wounded as the San Diego Police Department cuffed Schwartz and put in the back of the squad car by trying to break out a contrived effort for a group sing of "You Lost that Loving Feeling." Charges against the coach are still pending.

Since all the players of both Michigan State University and the University of North Carolina basketball teams were killed in the crash, the players of the Detroit Lions elected to play a shirtless game of volleyball in their stead.