PRESEASON WEEK THREE PREVIEW SPECTACU—oh, whatever.

This weekend marks Week 3 of the NFL Preseason, which as ESPN and sports talk radio will constantly remind you is the first meaningful slate of games of the season as the starters oftentimes play deeper into the second half and the playbooks are more compl—BORING.

Preseason football sucks, regardless of what week it is. The only thing separating it from watching the kids on your block play with a Nerf ball is that you deal with less judgmental glares from those around you as you watch it. Note that I said less, not none. You should be judged if you are excited to watch these games.



That bit of business out of the way, let's get PUMPED for the first annual JT O Sullivan Lives Preseason Week Three Preview Spectacular! Let the "games" begin!

Packer Recap: Monday Night Journal

These are the feelings I felt on Monday night:

Pregame: So a guy gives blood to make money to buy Packer tickets, which inadvertently saves his life. I think that says something about our dysfunctional healthcare system and our skewed national values, but I'm not sure what.

1st Quarter:

• Pack might have gotten away with a defensive hold on that first Vikings series.  Oh well.
• Good lord, that punt return looked easy. I think more Vikings players were blocked by their own teammates than by Green Bay.  I'm feeling alright about this game.
• Matthews and Allen both get early sacks.  Jaws says that Allen "almost invented the word sack." What?
• Driver sighting!  Great catch.  Jaws says "that's trust."  What?
• Vikings getting some pressure on Rodgers - they need to keep this up the entire game to have a chance. 
• Sweet play action to set up Jennings with the easy touchdown.  Alex asks me why you would ever respect the Packers play action. Good question.
• Huge play to Shiancoe, but Harvin pushes Tramon Williams on deep shot a couple plays later. Great coverage by Tramon. Tramon-dous coverage! Right? Right?
• Beastly play by Woodson to wrestle the ball from Shiancoe - was it an interception??? Nope, hit the ground.  Go Blue regardless.
• Vikings false start on a field goal attempt. That's unfortunate. Longer kick falls just short. Gruden is disgusted.  As usual.
• My mood after 1st Quarter: Pleasantly optimistic.

The James Starks Story: More Snaps through Healthier Eating

As I mentioned in our first podcast, James Starks is now definitively the starting running back for the Green Bay Packers.  He's gotten more carries and yardage than well-compensated former 1st-stringer Ryan Grant for four straight games, although these things are all relative on a team that treats running the ball as an obsolete and irrelevant remnant of Depression-era football.  How do we explain Starks' rise to the top of the depth chart?   Was it his solid performance in the playoffs last year?  Are great practice habits winning favor with the coaches?

Nope - it's none of these. Starks has gone gluten-free.  After suffering through shoulder and hamstring injuries over the past two years in college and the NFL, a nutritionist put him on a strict low-carb, non-gluten regimen.  He put on eight pounds over the offseason, says he's feeling stronger, and is outperforming a much-hyped veteran, to the frustration of fantasy owners across the internet.  Is that worth abstaining from cinnamon raisin bagels and Belgian waffles?  Not in my book, but I don't often collide with 275 pound linebackers at work.

Grant's a competitor, however, and won't let Starks take his snaps without a fight.  If he can't outwork him on the field, hopefully he's learned that these things are decided at the dinner table - you've got to beat Starks at his own game.  What could work better than the gluten-free approach?  Some suggestions:

1. The Cabbage Soup Diet: A week of cabbage soup will do crazy things to your GI tract.  Root vegetable-fueled flatulence clears huge holes for Grant, as defensive lineman can't summon the will to fight through blockers while suppressing their gag reflexes.
2. The Paleolithic Diet: The idea here is to eat only things that our primitive ancestors ate, as roots, berries, and mammoth meat suit our bodies better than Crunchwrap Supremes.  Grant benefits by discovering a primal streak he never knew, and his brutish, uncivilized behavior suits him well on the field.  The drawbacks: receding chin, sloped brow, inability to speak beyond grunts, and insistence on wearing an orange leopard print tunic.  Basically, he'll be like Jared Allen.
3. The Master Cleanse: At least ten days of consuming only a "lemonade" made with maple syrup and cayenne pepper clears Grant's system of the nefarious toxins that made him vulnerable to leg injuries and kept him from living up to his full football potential.  Unfortunately, the side effects include headaches and loss of energy, and he barely has the energy to clap after the first huddle.