Cutler Finally Cracks the Top Five in Something Unrelated to Sacks or Interceptions

Earlier this week, Tom Van Riper of Forbes.com released results of a Nielson E-Poll that put Jay Cutler in the top five "Most Disliked Players" in the NFL. This poll puts Cutler in the illustrious company of Michael Vick (dog-fighting), Ben Roethlisberger (alleged bathroom rapist), Plaxico Burress (wears sweatpants to the club) and Albert Haynesworth (the first walrus to play in the NFL).

There are a lot of people who aren't a fan of Cutler, I understand that , but I think it's a little unfair to put him in the same conversation with the players mentioned above (maybe they are getting mixed up after google image searching him). After the jump, here are some NFL personalities I believe should have made the list and bumped Cutler out of the top five. I'm not going to limit it to just players, because, well, why the hell should I.

Bill Belicheck, perhaps known better for his role as the primary antagonist in the Star Wars movie series, gets a lot of admiration because of his success as a coach. IRRELEVANT. Anyone who has ever seen a clip Bill Belicheck in the press room would think that his family is being held hostage somewhere by terrorists demanding that he coaches an NFL football team. I am not saying he should neccesarily be happy and animated all the time (I root for a team that is coached by Lovie Smith, after all) but at least prove to me that you aren't a robot designed to kill us all. That's all I expect in a coach in today's NFL.

I am surprised that Tim Tebow doesn't make this list. SURPRISED AND DISAPPOINTED. I think he doesn't make an appearance because people LOVE to hate this guy. I know I do. Every time he goes crunch into the turf or throws a ball like one of those guys throwing a fish through the air at the market I laugh and laugh like a Disney movie villain. I hope he plays for twenty-five more years for the Denver Broncos and never improves whatsoever. GO BRONCS.

It's common knowledge that the reanimated corpse of Joseph Stalin is on the Raiders practice squad. He's kept alive with the remaining horse blood left over from the dark rituals that kept Al Davis going for so long.

The only reason Cedric Benson doesn't make this list is because no one cares about Cedric Benson.

I'll keep Cutler at number ten mainly because most of the douchebags of the NFL have been swept out of the league (looking in your direction Bernard Berrian and Randy Moss; you know it's bad when the Vikings can't even stand to have you on their team) and because I like that Cutler is kind of a tool. People say that his eyes reveal the soul of a man who killed a child to get an erection. THAT IS CALLED STEELY POISE AND THAT IS WHAT YOU NEED TO BE A CHAMPION. I actually think that Cutler doesn't look so much like an asshole, but more often than not he looks completely disinterested with everything around him. He could be waiting for a bus in between plays for all we know. And as any player coached by Lovie Smith will tell you, complete disinterest for everything around you wins games. Bear down!